Monday, March 26, 2007

GO HOYAS!!!



Dude, I fucking NAILED the Final Four office pool! I called all 4 teams!

Pray for a Florida-Georgetown final, with the Hoyas emerging victorious. King Fun could use some extra scratch...

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Ponson: This Year's Batista?



As it currently stands, the rumor is that this is the Twins' 5-man rotation in Opening Day:

1. The Greatest Pitcher Who Ever Lived
2. Silva (For the love of God)
3. Ramon Ortiz
4. Ponson
5. Booooooooooooooooffffffff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Haven't we seen this situation before? Let's see: Preternaturally gifted GM/coaching staff of threadbare team gives assurances to shakey veteran that he will start the season, despite the fact that the kids look hungry to prove their worth.

Don't get me wrong, I'm rooting for Sidney as much as the next guy, not least because I was indoctrinated in Catholic convictions like redemption blah, blah, blah, but it feels just like last year, when we struggled right out of the gate and nearly deep-sixed the season before we wised up, put Punto at third and ended our bargain-basement veteran experiment. If we get off to a woeful April, is Gardy going to pull the plug in time?

[Requisite Sidenote: Ahem. I'd like to state for the record that I'm pulling for the man currently pitching in the rotation's Number 2 spot, but all signs point to him being an impending trainwreck/strangulated hemorrhoid for us this season, too. Let's hope he touches the hem of Johan's uni and regains his gift.]

Time, alas, will only tell.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Live Nude Girls



You'd think that if you were staying at the Ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia, surrounded by skyscrapers, you wouldn't take off your clothes right in front of the open window at 4:30 pm.

That's just it. Maybe she wasn't thinking.

Not that we minded the Rubensesque beauty who graced our presence this afternoon. Not at all.

There's a Metaphor in Here Somewhere...



This morning the Inquirer reported that the U.S. Mint here in Philly was responsible for a colossal screw-up involving the new dollar coins. Here's the money passage:

"An unknown number of the golden coins - possibly thousands - left the mint without the much-vaunted lettering on the edge that was supposed to proclaim: 'In God We Trust... E Pluribus Unum... P 2007.'"

The coins are now being referred to, in casual parlance, as "godless dollars," which is pretty goddamned funny.

Anyhoo, if that wasn't odd enough, this week also marks--no shit--the death of Captain America. The infamous Marvel Comics issue hit newsstands yesterday.

Apparently, our Avenger Captain America is ssassinated as he walks into a federal courthouse in New York, under arrest and in handcuffs, headed to his arraignment for refusing to sign the government's Superhero Registration Act and forcibly revealing his true identity.

He was 66 years old. Captain America, may you rest in peace.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Lohse Beans Hunter



I swear, Kyle, you pull that shit again and we'll feed your jugular to TC the Bear.

Friday, March 02, 2007

Can't Hardly Wait




From MLB.com:

In his second plate appearance of Grapefruit League action, Howard punished a pitch from Cleveland's Rafael Betancourt. He sent it over the batter's eye in center field and over a second fence beyond that at Bright House Networks Field. The ball landed 15 feet in front of a pond beyond the stadium.

I Guess They Want People to Fall Asleep at Funerals Now, Too




From Reuters:

Catholics call time on long-winded eulogies

By James Grubel

Keep it short, and don't mention sex or drunkenness -- those are the new rules for eulogies at funeral masses in Australia's Catholic church.

An increase in the number of inappropriate comments at funeral masses has prompted Australia's most senior Catholic, Cardinal George Pell, to impose a five-minute deadline on eulogies and deem some areas of a person's life off limits.

The move is designed to cut back on the number of long-winded eulogies by friends or family members at funeral masses, and to ensure the funeral mass keeps its main focus as an act of worship to God and a place for prayers for the deceased.

"On not a few occasions, inappropriate remarks glossing over the deceased's proclivities (drinking prowess, romantic conquests etc) or about the Church (attacking its moral teachings) have been made at funeral masses," Pell's new guidelines say.

He said the comments often embarrassed the priest, the family and the congregation and become the focus of the service.

The Catholic church in Ireland and most of the United States ban lay people from giving eulogies at funeral masses, but the church in Australia allows for a few short words of remembrance from a family member or friend near the end of a funeral mass.

However, Pell's guidelines, obtained by Reuters on Friday, make it clear the eulogy must never replace the officiating priest's homily, or sermon, which should focus on God's compassion and the mystery of the resurrection of Jesus.

The "words of remembrance" should last no more than three to five minutes, or one typed page, and should focus on a person's human qualities and faith," the guidelines say.

"The reflection should be prepared beforehand, and ideally be reviewed with the priest or presiding minister beforehand, to avoid undue length or embarrassing situations," the guidelines say.

The new guidelines say anecdotes, poems or songs, might be better kept for services at the cemetery or crematorium, or for a vigil prayer service the night before a funeral.

The Catholic church is Australia's biggest, with about five million followers, followed closely by the Anglican church with just over four million.

Arcade Fire Live on Cinco de Mayo



I just scored tickets to see Arcade Fire at the Tower Theater on Cinco de Mayo! Woo hoo!

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I Heart Copywriting

Philly Soul: Home of the Throwback Jersey




This morning I was inquiring about where to find a Ryan Howard jersey tee for my little brother's upcoming birthday, and in the course of the entire sports apparel morning banter with my colleagues, I discovered that if I take a left and walk about, oh, 50 feet outside of my office, I arrive at Mitchell & Ness (est. 1904), the original home of the entire throwback jersey craze.

And yes, it's a treasure trove of cool shit, a flossing hip-hop artist's wet dream. They didn't have my Ryan Howard jersey tee (I found one at City Sports, and yes, I bought one for myself to root root root for the home team this season), but they had this FUCKING AWESOME North Stars kelly green satin track jacket ($125) and the classic home and away Killebrew '65 replica jerseys like the one in the picture above ($250).

I'll be saving my pennies, boys and girls.

Powerball: I won $7



No jackpot, but 2 numbers + Poweball = 7 dollar dollar bills, y'all, for El Rey de Diversión.

I'm going to the movies.